There’s this character that is troubling me. I’ve been writing and editing her story for years now. At first she was sarcastic and amusing even though her life was full of pain and darkness. It was like once something was over, once it was in the past, she just threw it in a box in her head and moved on, letting go and allowing herself to come out of that pain and darkness as the same sarcastic, amusing person who still saw beauty in the world. But then the world I live in became chaotic and darker than ever before. Each time I edited, rewrote, her story, she lost more of her amusing bits, leaving sadness and anger to take their place. I used to love her story. Now it just makes me sad. Someone suggested that I need to get back to the place I was when I first started writing her, if I want to get her back to who she was then. But that version of me is long gone. So now I’m wondering if my character is the same. Is there any way to bring that version of her back? Or is that version of her gone for good? Can I write her amusing bits back into her? Or should I give up, put her story away. Maybe for good. Maybe for later. If I can write her amusing bits back, can I manage to find some useful bits of my old self along the way?